Aim to Fail

Girl making funny face

I piss a lot of people off, which is a fact that people who know me in real life are often shocked to find out. But I do. I piss A LOT of people off, especially online.

Sometimes that’s just my role. Groups occasionally need a bruiser, a terrier, a poker-of-trolls, or just some lively entertainment. People like to argue with me because I’m willing to argue, and probably because I’m a girl and they think they’ll win. Whatever.

But as a result of all of this, I have a lot of haters. I have RESENTERS, which is worse than haters, because resenters follow you around and laugh at you. And no one likes being laughed at every time they fuck up.

And I fuck up a lot.

When I was in high school, I wrote “Aim to Fail” on my tests. It pissed teachers off. They’d take me aside after grades came back. “You got an A on this test, so why did you write ‘Aim to Fail’ on the top? That’s terribly discouraging, don’t you think?”

Actually, no. That was probably the wisest thing I’ve ever fucking done in my life.

If your goal is failure, and you fail at failing, well, then you succeeded. If your goal is failure and you succeed at failing, you succeeded. It is literally a win/win situation.

It’s like the old riddle of the castaway picked up by some terrible tribe of bloodthirsty lawyers: “Make any statement,” they say, “and if it’s true, we’ll kill you by slitting your throat, but if it’s false, we’ll kill you by hanging.”

So the castaway makes a statement. The lawyers rub their eyebrows and sigh in consternation. They gather and have expensive legal meetings at posh restaurants. Finally, they let the castaway go. What did he say?

“You will kill me by hanging.”

If they hang him, then the statement is true, and they must kill him by slitting his throat, but he’s already dead, yeah? So that doesn’t work.  If they decide to make him a liar by killing him with the throat-slitting, then he’s a liar and they’d have to hang him to death, but he’s already dead and they can’t.

So, “Fuck it,” they say, “Next time we’ll leave more wiggle room,” and they let the poor bastard go.

Well, I can’t say I’m surrounded by bloodthirsty lawyers, but I do have a significant hate-tribe, and they’re at least schadenfreude-thirsty, if not actually bloodthirsty.  So what am I to do?

Aim to fucking fail.

I am going to fail all over the place. I’m going to fail loudly, often, publicly. I am going to revel in my failures and laugh and be totally accepting of failure as a success.

Why? Not because of the haters. Because I want to DO THE THINGS. I want to TAKE THE RISKS. It’s something I’m very, very good at.

And I don’t want to worry about assholes, as I sometimes do. Because there are real, cruel assholes out there, bent on destroying people from the inside out. And some of them are in my hatepool. So I’m just going to decide not to give a flying fuck about my fears.

In fact, I’m going to actively work on giving the assholes fodder, because the louder they hate me, the more people will see that my failures are actually pretty fucking cool. I’m going to recruit the assholes to promote me. They can laugh behind their hands and say, “look at that asshat!”

And one of the fifty people the

y say that to will be all, “Yeah, she’s so stu—wow, that’s actually kinda cool.” Right on.

Aim to fail. Not for the assholes, but for yourself.

Want to fail with me? Want to watch me fail? I’m an author, editor, and small publisher. Come visit me at https://www.facebook.com/smartypantspublishing/, which is my headquarters until I finish getting my website up to speed.